I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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