I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
