apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
