I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
