I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
