Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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