making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just puked most of my soul out..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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