My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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