reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
