sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
