i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
