What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
