i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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