well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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