I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
