You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She needs sedatives and a leash
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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