hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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