It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
