Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
