I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
