it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
