shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
