Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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