Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
