Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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