Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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