I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
