Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
