I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
