pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
