If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
