just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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