wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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