In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
