Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
