I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
