Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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