Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
