Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
