I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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