These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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