Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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