i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
