Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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