remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
