Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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