things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
