She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
