She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
