As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
