He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
