I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize