I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
