God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
