elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
