matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
