Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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