as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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