Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
