instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
