The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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