I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
