I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
