ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
