better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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