What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
