all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
