Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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