You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
