I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
