Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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