you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
