The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
