Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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