I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
