go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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