No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
