Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
