I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
