A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
