I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
