There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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