you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
